Fun with the Fall

I'm not a regular gig-goer. You might be able to guess that from the large number of now-defunct bands on my 'profile' bit. I saw Morrissey about 12 years ago, at his majestic best. Forget the ageing porker on Jonathan Ross, here he was in his bequiffed pomp. As the last of my gladioli arced in a gentle parabola towards the stage, I reasoned that since you couldn't top perfection, you might as well not bother trying. There followed a long hiatus. But earlier this week I dipped my toes into the sweaty, smoky and booze-fuelled world of gigging once more to see one of my all-time favourite bands, The Fall.

Who I've never seen live before. And who change their line-up on an almost weekly basis. Fortuitously, me and my buddy Yakbone managed to sneak in down the front, only to see what appeared to be a bunch of roadies tuning up. They surpised us by launching into a rather spectacular rockabilly pop thrash. We were impressed with this support band, but no, it was actually The Fall. And then Mark E. Smith arrived. Stalking onto the stage like a wraith, he began to rant, chewing gum furiously. How he's got away with it all these years is a mystery - he really can't sing. It was bloody fantastic.

The Fall. John Peel's favourite band, of course. I thought Smith would look more raddled up close and personal - he actually looks quite spry. They played for an hour or so in the furnace of the tiny club, including three encores. Smith looked entirely unruffled. Either he's had all his sweat glands removed like Bruce Lee (ahem), or he's genuinely cool. Its amazing really. At his age he ought to be sitting in a comfy chair with a nice cup of tea at that time of night. He is clearly infused with the spirit of rock.

Why do I love The Fall so much? A look at a selection of song titles may provide some clues:

To Nkroachment: Yarbles
Theme from Sparta FC
Jawbone and the Air Rifle
Mere Pseud Mag Ed
How I Wrote 'Elastic Man'

and my favourite

I Am Damo Suzuki

There you have it. Add some wild, shouted, occasionally mumbled lyrics and a tight, funky backing band and you've got The Fall in a nutshell. I suspect if Smith's stuck for a song title he just snips words he likes from a newsaper, sticks them in a bag and pulls words out at random. Well, it works for me. A quick go on a random word generator gives:

Inspired parking enters the flugelhorn
Cryptogram cowpuncher
Motorcycle witchcraft by torchlight

Any one of which might easily be a Fall song. Mark E. Smith, I think we should be told.


This week's celebritiy spots:
Tom Conti in Pizza Express. Ordering an artichoke pizza - nice work.
Dara O'Brien in the Toucan, Soho. Drinking Guiness, natch. Good man.

This week's recommendations:
Leeds to get relegated from the Championship at 13-1 (Bet365) A massive price as they are in the bottom three. Fingers crossed.
Techno mastery from the Simian Mobile Disco
Keep your eyes to the skies for early east-coast migrants